back 2 the bonfire
Sometimes I find myself unable to differentiate between truly living my dream, and merely being carried away.
I was at the Ateneo for the bonfire victory party a couple of hours ago. After all, 16 years of my 25 years of existence on this planet had been spent in the Ateneo. If I had been too lazy to drag myself out of the house to attend last year’s celebration, I owed it to my alma mater to come and celebrate with it this time.
The celebration wasn’t as moving as the one we had which dates back in 2002—back when I was still in high school and the Ateneo Blue Eagles became the basketball champions in the UAAP Season 65—but the Ateneo Spirit present in the event was still moving nonetheless. There were some pretty neat video presentations, a few entertaining programs, a bonfire and some loud song numbers.
Being back in the Ateneo Grade School campus with all this charged up festivity happening right in front of me, memories of my True Blue life came into me like audible flashes that built to a glorious crescendo and crashed into a single, perfect tone of nostalgia.
Grade school days at the library.
Class nights.
Intramurals.
And just about every Ateneo experience.
Then suddenly, I found myself wanting to pursue a teaching career in the Ateneo.
It’s funny, I know. The combination of nostalgia, sentimentality, and a heartfelt celebration may have just worked their way into my system and got me carried away. But the thoughts of teaching in the school I have always considered home, giving back to the Ateneo, studying again (taking Masters in Education), a good and accessible work location, a very competitive compensation package and wonderful benefits make me feel quite certain about this.
While I was in the car on my way home, I actually pictured a life moderating a grade school class, teaching, moderating an Activity (gradeschool org), coaching the Ateneo Grade School Volleyball Team, taking masters in Education, and doing freelance writing on the side. It was a half-scary, half-exciting thought. But after chatting with a batchmate who works as a teacher in the AGS and getting his insight, I became more convinced that this particular endeavor might actually work well for me.
Well, I’ve sent a bunch of job applications to various companies last Friday, and by “a bunch” I mean a little over 20 or so. I just hope that I already get a job very soon. This job hunt has gone on for too long now—I don’t think I can afford to be idle any longer. And as for teaching, I’m still not 100% sure about it; it’s too early to tell and they’re not gonna be accepting any applications yet—not until December. I guess my decision will depend greatly on the job that I’ll be having before the year ends.
I wish that at this very moment in time, I could also see the bonfire as a symbol of personal triumph, but 2009 has not been a victorious year for me: too many bad decisions, unwise detours and wrong turns. I hope all of my life’s uncertainties burned away with those long planks of wood this evening, so that the next time I look at the same flames of victory, I can truly say to myself that I really am Back 2 the Bonfire.
These past few days, sleep seems to have become very hard to come by. I’ve been waking up exactly four hours after dozing off, and then reuniting with the Sandman suddenly becomes next to impossible. Having a very playful Persian cat that loves to pounce all over my bed and send his fur flying everywhere for a roommate hasn’t been making sleeping any easier, either. It looks like narcolepsy has gone on AWOL. Oddly enough, I hope he doesn’t ever come back; despite the headaches, I’ve actually become more productive this way.
I have all the heavens to thank for this new job and the influx of various freelance projects. Being here has inspired me to set new goals for myself and to work my way up towards achieving them. In fact, I’ve got another exam-slash-interview with another company tomorrow afternoon. And if I do get that job, I’ll be off to juggle 2 full time jobs and freelance works in the next days, weeks and hopefully months to come. It’s suicide maybe, but I’ve not felt this flared up, focused and dedicated for over two years now. Despite the fact that someone very close to me continues to be a nuisance, I won’t allow such an egotistic, anal conehead to get in the way of my goals.
