It was a night like no other.

Time was trampled over. Leisure was stopped dead on its tracks. Mini-speech turned out as an epitome of epic fail.

After all these surprises, I asked myself: What else could possibly go wrong? So, tired and downcast, I sought solace in the company of my bestfriend, but ended up getting 20 times more loads of crap.

Sweet. Maybe I shouldn’t have bothered to ask.

Well, it wasn’t really his fault—at least not completely. Wrong place, wrong time—those kinda things. Plus, drama just  has this distinct characteristic of catching up really fast the more you try to keep yourself away from it. And, like they say: when it rains, it really pours.

Sigh.

I hope I could just go to sleep and dream it all away… but even the dark, silent dawn wouldn’t give room for a good night’s sleep.

when swift winds come unnoticed

Okay, so I’ve been MIA for quite some time. The past two months of 2010 came by so fast I could hardly keep up with all that has happened. Though apparently, 2010 did not start too well for me, either.

Strained relationships, shattered friendships, and broken trusts.

If I were to give a title for the period of January to February, it can only fall short of betrayal.

Now that it’s all said and done,
I can’t believe you were the one
To build me up and tear me down,
Like an old abandoned house.

What you said when you left
Just left me cold and out of breath.
I fell too far, was in way too deep.
Guess I let you get the best of me.

It’s really sad. More of tragic, rather. Like a brother-kills-brother story. Why some people could do such an awful thing is beyond me. I reckon it has got to be the most unexpected thing to happen, of all the unexpected(s).

Well, I never saw it coming.
I should’ve started running
A long, long time ago.
And I never thought I’d doubt you,
I’m better off without you
More than you, more than you know.

-excerpts from Chris Daughtry’s Over You

It may seem surprising how I’ve been able to manage amidst all this nightmare. Well, I’ve learned that patience is a virtue. But really, if it had not been for the few special people who had been with me in these trying times, I wouldn’t have had that epiphany, and I would’ve already gone mad. Thank you guys, especially for reminding me not to do anything stupid time and time again. You know who you are.

I’ve come to believe that indeed, things happen for a reason, or if not, that we simply have to look closer to see the reason for everything that happens.

It’s time to move on, and I guess this time, there’s no looking back.

letting go

A reunion with my inner soul has finally propelled me to start setting sail. Now, the storm has passed: the wind is generous and the waves, gentle. I no longer have to fear being thrown around by the angry waves, of crashing, and drowning in your depths.

breaking free

Tonight, the truth set me free. Not because I wanted it to, but because I was trapped in a corner with nowhere else to go.

back 2 the bonfire

Sometimes I find myself unable to differentiate between truly living my dream, and merely being carried away.

I was at the Ateneo for the bonfire victory party a couple of hours ago. After all, 16 years of my 25 years of existence on this planet had been spent in the Ateneo. If I had been too lazy to drag myself out of the house to attend last year’s celebration, I owed it to my alma mater to come and celebrate with it this time.

The celebration wasn’t as moving as the one we had which dates back in 2002—back when I was still in high school and the Ateneo Blue Eagles became the basketball champions in the UAAP Season 65—but the Ateneo Spirit present in the event was still moving nonetheless. There were some pretty neat video presentations, a few entertaining programs, a bonfire and some loud song numbers.

Being back in the Ateneo Grade School campus with all this charged up festivity happening right in front of me, memories of my True Blue life came into me like audible flashes that built to a glorious crescendo and crashed into a single, perfect tone of nostalgia.

Grade school days at the library.

Class nights.

Intramurals.

And just about every Ateneo experience.

Then suddenly, I found myself wanting to pursue a teaching career in the Ateneo.

It’s funny, I know. The combination of nostalgia, sentimentality, and a heartfelt celebration may have just worked their way into my system and got me carried away. But the thoughts of teaching in the school I have always considered home, giving back to the Ateneo, studying again (taking Masters in Education), a good and accessible work location, a very competitive compensation package and wonderful benefits make me feel quite certain about this.

While I was in the car on my way home, I actually pictured a life moderating a grade school class, teaching, moderating an Activity (gradeschool org), coaching the Ateneo Grade School Volleyball Team, taking masters in Education, and doing freelance writing on the side. It was a half-scary, half-exciting thought. But after chatting with a batchmate who works as a teacher in the AGS and getting his insight, I became more convinced that this particular endeavor might actually work well for me.

Well, I’ve sent a bunch of job applications to various companies last Friday, and by “a bunch” I mean a little over 20 or so. I just hope that I already get a job very soon. This job hunt has gone on for too long now—I don’t think I can afford to be idle any longer. And as for teaching, I’m still not 100% sure about it; it’s too early to tell and they’re not gonna be accepting any applications yet—not until December. I guess my decision will depend greatly on the job that I’ll be having before the year ends.

I wish that at this very moment in time, I could also see the bonfire as a symbol of personal triumph, but 2009 has not been a victorious year for me: too many bad decisions, unwise detours and wrong turns. I hope all of my life’s uncertainties burned away with those long planks of wood this evening, so that the next time I look at the same flames of victory, I can truly say to myself that I really am Back 2 the Bonfire.